Relationships fail because of three simple reasons. The bad news is, it's all about you. The good news is, it's all about you! You can improve your relationships simply by taking the time to figure out the most important puzzle of your life - yourself. So here's 3 reasons why relationships fail no one has ever told you!
1. We don’t know who we are Who are you? Do you know how to answer this question? Think of an answer in terms of your background, past experiences at work, in your romantic relationships and even friendships. Consider things like your hobbies, values and goals for the future. All of this shapes you. All of this is you.
When you have a clear idea about who you are yourself, you will be able to see whether the person you’re dating is going to fit the bigger picture. I am not talking about an evaluation checklist for the other person but rather the ability not to compromise who you are just so that your date likes you. It's also about what you’ve got to offer the other person. It’s about knowing your worth. And once that is clear in your mind, you will not accept less than what you deserve.
2. We don’t know what we want You don’t have to have your life’s purpose figured out to find a suitable partner but knowing what you want will be the first step towards your desired outcome. Know what you are looking for. It follows directly after knowing yourself. At what point in your life are you in? Are you looking for serious commitment? Someone to have dinner with a couple of times a month? Or a friend with benefits type of situation? Getting clear on what you want will help you in getting it. It’s as simple as that.
3. We don’t know how to say what we want And now comes the toughest part. Once you have a clear idea about who you are and what you want, you have to able to communicate it to the other person. The tricky thing is, they might not react the way you’d like them to. You could get rejected. And your feelings could get hurt.
Nonetheless, saying out loud what you want and how you feel will save you a lot of pain in the long-term. Consider this, if someone doesn’t accept who you really are and doesn’t want the same things as you do, is this person really worth the time and emotional energy? When you know deep down inside that a relationship is bound to fail because you’re not being yourself or you’re going along with a situation you don’t believe in – why are you wasting your time? You could be both happier with someone else.
So why are we actually jeopardizing our own happiness? The answer is the fear of uncertainty. We so afraid of the uncertainty of the future, that we choose the certainty of being in this painfully uncomfortable place of not being true to ourselves. And this type of relationship is bound to fail at one point or another. It will leave you emotionally exhausted and without any idea of who you were in the first place. That is why after a break-up we usually need to take some time to come back to ourselves.
But let’s dream of a perfect world. Imagine you would walk into your relationships with a clear idea of who you are and what you want, and you would not to be afraid to say it. Sure, you would say goodbye to some people much earlier on but you would also give yourself the gift and privilege of time and emotional energy to look for the person who is right for you.